I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
