Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
