Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
