your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
