I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
