they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
