Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
