I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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