You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
