The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
