Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
