Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
love makes seman taste better
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
