we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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