Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
