so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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