the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
