I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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