Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mom said you looked used
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
