We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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