alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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