He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
