I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
