So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
