be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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