There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
