Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
