The maid of honor just puked.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
