how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I would ride that face into the sunset
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
