i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
