every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
handjob tips. give me some.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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