worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
