North Korea, Best Korea!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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