Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
