Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
