There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
