Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
