You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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