Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
