her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
