this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
