Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
