it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
