she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
