Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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