Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
