It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
