dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
