I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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