Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
