my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
