just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
