Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
my liver is dry heaving
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
