I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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