Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize