You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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