She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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