Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
